Let’s stay friends!

by Tatsiana YANUTSEVİCH

Ex-boyfriend is like a suitcase without a handle – you don’t want to throw it away but to carry it all the time is also very uncomfortable. Nevertheless, each of us says sacramental phrase “let’s stay friends” at least ones. But maybe it is better not to say it and live a life with light baggage?

Perhaps, the driving force of the desire to clasp ex-boyfriend in your arms is another desire to put a comma, but not a dot in your relationships with him. But even if your divorce was an ideal one, which means that you do not break any dish or do not spill any bad word over his head, usually you won’t have happy end. Let’s face reality – in general all your attempts to save good relations like being friends finish with collapse.

My life experience shows that there are only two scenarios of the continuance of being in the relations with your “ex”. First one is extremely short – you just say the epic phrase “let’s stay friends” and your former lover, with whom a second ago you had a mutual friends, “your” special places and lovely one-for-both souvenir cup from your last romantic trip just stay behind the door, which he shut with a bang. It means that you injure his men’s pride and now he will never speak with you anymore – so offended he is. Of course, it goes without saying that this “silence game” has a range of exceptions like mid-night calls (or even visits), or “dunked-messages” to you. But these actions have their date of expiry – if you do not give him the second chance he will totally disappear from your life in a few mouths.

The second developmental variation seems quite positive in comparison with the first one – probably, you will have a long conversation after above-said phrase and then you will come to the decision not to ruin all that was between you and stay real friends. Nevertheless all this is not more than illusion.

As an example, when the last time I was trying to stay friends with my ex-boyfriend and invited him for the promenade he was still trying to turn all our topics to our relations. And believe me that it was not like lovely memories from our former life. All my impressions from that nostalgic evening were spoiled by his severe remarks that not everything was so sweet and romantic. While I pathetically remembered about our first date when we went together to the blues concert and than drank wine and talked about some senseless but cute thing he just reminded me that the music was so loud, the wine was bad and our conversation was so stupid. Eventually, I faced with the same situation as in the first scenario – he was still offended and his men’s self-esteem was still blooding.

So, I don’t believe in “blood-less” endings of the relations. Because devours is like a hurt, and all your further efforts to stay friends will be like rubbing salt into wounds. I fully believe that friendship is like betrayal of love. It’s impossible to devolve to the hand shake, friendly pokes and simple “what’s up?” when you suddenly meet each other at university when some times ago you were burning with desire to each other. So if you really decide to finish your relations with somebody (but think more then twice before) do not try to put a comma but just be brave for confident and final dot.