To be loved or to love?

by Daria ZACHAROVA

Love. One word, four letters, millions of interpretations. All of us search for it. Even those who deny it still have a sparkling hope deep inside to meet somebody special.

Why do we need it?

Is it just chemistry inside our heads?

Or it’s really some kind of magical process in our hearts?

There are always many questions about love. Rhetorical and thereby silly ones. We know it, but we are still trying to get answers on them.

For me, the most essential question about love is this one. What is better – to be loved or to love? In a greater degree. Here your narcissism and self-sacrifice meet in a battle. Have you ever reflected about who’s going to be a winner in your case?

On one hand, well, let’s speak frankly. Is there a person on this Earth who doesn’t like being treated as if he was a rare extinct species of Thailand panda? With tenderness, care and balanced nourishment brought just to your bed. Getting presents for any tiny occasion, being called “pumpkin” or “diamond” without any reason, just for what you are. Now put your hand on screen of your laptop with your opened facebook profile page. Repeat. “I”. “Never”. “Wanted”. “To”. “Be”. “Loved”.”To”. “Such”. “Crazy”. “Extent”. Your profile deleted! Frightened? Be fair to yourself. You did. He did. She did. Jim Carey did. And Opra did. Even Snoop Dog did. It’s something which is probably inside our genes. It’s natural thing. All people are egoists. We all dream to be loved.

On the other hand, and that’s the thing I’ve been thinking about for last several months, it’s getting after some (actually, short) period of time. Last relationships I had were like this. They were holding on him, not on me. He was the one, who was in the same time the turtle and three elephants, holding our planet. In the beginning I was happy. Finally, somebody who is listening to me. Not only listening, even considering my wishes. Every wish - can you believe it? We were spending nice time together. Mainly cause it was always my idea. And you know what? I got bored. I became spoilt as a small child, who is getting every of the toy he wants. “That doll? Ok, my love. Railway? No problem, dear. Swimming pool? Here you go, sweetie”. I can’t say I was doing anything special for him. I was only being myself. Envy? Really, don’t. After these relationships I’m dreaming to find somebody to take care of. Stroke his head and prepare his favourite chilli.

I want to fall in love. And I even don’t care if this love is reverse. I just want to feel happy only because he smiled at me. I want to dream about somebody. The problem is there’s nobody suitable around me. Happy lesbians.

Approaching to the logical finish of my reflection, I have to say something you’ve probably been waiting for through all the article. Of course, best love is both side. I guess. It’s ideal. It equal. It’s fair. But does it exist? In my memory there’s no example of such love (lets except Hollywood movies). Somebody is always more crazy about another one. Let me know if you know such couple, because I’m starting to be critical about such love. But for now I still want to believe in one phrase from “Moulin Rouge” movie - “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love... and be loved in return”... I want to learn it. I swear I’m going to be assiduous student.